So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
