Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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