cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
