one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
