and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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