my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
