maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
