I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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