If i come over, it means nothing
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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