thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
