Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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