Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
