So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
