i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
