the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
