McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
