You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you never un-have a 4some
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