So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
