I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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