Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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