do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
