i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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