First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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