i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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