I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
