when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
