Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it was like eating out sand paper
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
