Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
