I skipped work to stalk him.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
