Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize