just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize