I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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