then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
