Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
