We're like a lot better than the average bears
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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