Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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