i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
