oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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