guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
