This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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