Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The Olympian is in my bed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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