there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
