i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
