i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
