4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
