If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
