I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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