I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
