I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
