yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
