So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
