And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
