Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize