Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
