So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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