do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Text me some of your sweat
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
