She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
