i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
