Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
