Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I could fuck to npr.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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