something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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