the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
