So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
