i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
