at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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