he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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