I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
